Hi guys, this is my first question, and quite a long one, so please bare with me..
I'm 19 and live in the West Midlands. Im a normal lad, im into cars, music, general stuff. I live with my parents and 15 year old sister, in a decent area. I feel we are good people, i dont spend my weekends getting drunk in the street and fighting, my parents have supported and loved me my whole life which i am very grateful of..
From primary school i was deemed as a bright kid, i did well in classes despite getting in trouble quite alot. It was mostly the same in secondary school.. i was friends with the main group and boys and girls in my year group, and was in mostly top sets for my lessons. Again though, i found myself getting in trouble, being bullied by the rougher kids from local estates, despite socialising with the main 'clique' (alot of us were generally mischievous, but did well academically), but i was one of the few that had trouble with the rougher kids, this led to anxiety in my last 2 years, and badly affected my GCSE grades.. i think i got a C in maths, double C in science, but an E in english, and a double E in art %26amp; design (art is one of my main interests).
I got into college after school for a year and got a diploma in motor vehicle studies, i was working part time in a car shop and was riding a scooter (biggest interest is anything with an engine). When my second year came i had recently started driving, and had to give up college and get a full time job to pay for my car and insurance.
I worked in a small factory for about 18 months making upvc windows and conservatories, i benefited from this initially as i had money to spend on my car at 18/19 and could fund that hobby. after a while though and after some staff changes at work, it got worse.. my financial situation turned sour, i was constantly unhappy at work, working long hours for minimum wage, in a cold dirty and loud factory, doing rather menial work, with a constant worry of being made redundant due to the recession etc.
Over christmas i got my third car but my finances turned on their head, so ive had to sell my car(s), and subsequently didnt return to work in the new year, after falling into depression and suffering from panic attacks. I am now looking at applying for university courses, though because of my short-comings at school, i might need to take a year resitting my english gcse and doing an A level or 2, which i am fully willing to do if it means i can pursue a degree and push for the career ive always wanted.
I know alot of people are worse off than me, and everyone is feeling the effects on the economy, but i just feel that nothing ever goes right for me, everytime i get something, its taken away, i aim high only to be knocked back down, i believe, to an extent, in karma, and honestly try my best to be a good person, i hate fighting, bullying etc.. ive had some good friends, though they seem to come and go, apart from one good friend ive known since i was 4, who is in a similar situation as me..
But i just feel wasted, im thankful for the things i do have, a great family, a roof over my head, but i just feel wasted, like im letting life pass me by.. i know money doesnt buy happiness, but there's so much i want to do, so many things id like to own, that i know i cant without money, and it seems like a double-edged sword.. i can give up money to chase education in the hope of achieving something great at the end of it, or stay doing something i hate for money to try and make myself happy. I have a virtually non-existant social life, no relationships, shyness and anxiety stand in my way... when i think about what 'could have been', or what im missing out on, i just fall into depression. 2 or 3 weeks ago before i was due to return to work, i felt worse than i ever have in my life, the only reason i was suffering that job was to pay for my car(s), my hobby and passion, then they've been taken away and i've nothing worth working for.
I felt hollow inside and just lost all enthusiasm, i feel that i dont have it inside of me to keep trying only to be knocked back down, im not a strong enough person, i look at other people and what theyre doing, i just feel angry, like how people have had an easier ride, getting away with murder (metaphorically speaking) whilst i suffer the consequences of even minor slips-ups, and the people that are so happy with the simplest of things and enjoy their life regardless, it leaves me feeling almost jealous that i cant adopt their mindset.
I know im only 19 but the thought that ive wasted basically a third of my active life, when i honestly feel like i deserve so much more... ive never felt so low, i scared myself with some thoughts a few weeks ago, but i think im constantly going downhill...
I just needed to express how i feel so thank you for taking the time to read this, if you have any suggestions or similar experiences, they are appreciated..
Thanks, Chris.
How can i get over my depression and get my life on track?
Chris, one of the first things that comes to mind is that you seem to compare yourself to others quite a bit, and this is an easy way for us to put ourselves down, as there are people out there that will have more of something that we want. When you're down, the last thing that you need is more knocks, so a good decision to take would be to stop knocking or doing things that hurt yourself.
You're probably right that a higher education will give you better prospects for your future life - though there are no guarantees. As it is, you've been fortunate and had some experience of how things can be at the bottom, where semi or unskilled labour isn't valued as high as it could be, and job satisfaction can be low. At this point, at 19 years old, very little of your adult life has passed, so you have the potential to turn things around. Some of this is about you and some is about settling into a career path, potentially starting with education. The great thing is that we, and no-one else, can change ourselves.
Right now, it would be good to work on your emotional health, your self-confidence and self-esteem, amongst other attributes. Your GP is a good start, as there are many treatments available for depression, and if you can lift your general mood, it will make starting to plan a new course even easier. Your GP may refer you to a therapist, and that could be one avenue where you could work on your confidence and self-esteem. Otherwise there are many good self-help books out there. Getting all the support that you can is also likely to pay off, so that you don't keep bottled up feelings or negative beliefs etc, inside your head. I realise that you say that some friends have moved on, but it may be possible that some would be willing to resume contact, so that you'd have people to share time with, and potentially gain some support from. Partly, your life needs interaction with others, to keep things interesting, and you also need to add fun, to brighten things up.
A good book to read is 'Awaken the Giant Within' by Anthony (Tony) Robbins, which has many good techniques to stop negative thought and behavioural patterns, as well as inspiring action towards making a new life direction - I really recommend this.
Take one step and a day at a time, and don't overload yourself whilst you're re-establishing a good foundation for good mental health and happiness. See your GP, as depression is a health issue, and start to set yourself some achievable goals - small ones, step by step, so you're not overwhelmed. Get to improve your supportive social network, of family and people that you've known or meet. And stop being hard on yourself!
Message me if you'd like to chat, or get further ideas etc.
Hope this helps. Good luck! Rob
How can i get over my depression and get my life on track?
Without thinking about it too much, hard work and honest relationships make up the good feelings in life.
Too much to read.
Visit a therapist.
Hi Chris. There is basically just one point that I would like to make and that is...at 19 years old, you have not wasted a third of your life. You have spent the last 19 years becoming the person you are now.
You have had a good childhood, with what sounds like plenty of love, nurturing and support.
You have spent your puberty going through the normal teenage scrapes ( I am not trivialising the fact that you were victimised and bullied and that you suffered for it), learning from them and I think, coming out a better person for them because although you have experienced the seedier side of human nature you did not succumb. You have retained your high personal standards and you did not follow the crowd which shows that you have strength of character.
You have spent the last 2/3 years spreading your wings and learning how to fly. You have learnt vital life lessons in that you now know that materialistically, things don't come that easy. There are those privileged few who just seem to attract wealth and good fortune but don't envy them, they all have their problems and insecurities. You have had money and spent it, possibly got into debt because you underestimated it but now you know the true value of money and from your experiences you have hopefully learnt to manage money better in future.
You are at a stage now, where you have to reevaluate your life, change your focus a little (or maybe a lot) and decide where you really want to go from here. The problem is that you are stuck in this introspective mode and only focusing on the negative stuff that has happened. Stop looking at other people and start looking at yourself. You say that you are not a strong person and can't handle the knocks. You are wrong, do you really think that those people that you see getting on have never had knocks. I assure you that they have, it is how they handle them and learn lessons from and use them that make them who they are, only you don't see that bit when you are envying them for what they have. You can be as strong as they are, introspection and self pity are very bad companions and are holding you back. You are far stronger than you think and you have more going for you than you think. Turn the negatives around, they can all become positives if you view them from a different angle.
Try and decide where you really want to go now that you know that money does not buy happiness. What would you like to do, something that would ffulfilyour inner self. Something that would let you go home after a day's work with the warm glow of satisfaction, pride and dare I say, happiness. The higher paid jobs don't necessarily offer this, think about compromising your materialism for satisfaction.
You are that strong person you envy, flex those muscles and get on with it.
You have riches now that are worth more than money, recognise them.
You have standards that will guide you through the rest of your life, follow them.
You have 19 years of good and bad experiences behind you, value them because they are worth more then any lottery win.
You have the opportunity to turn your life around, reevaluate, refocus, reenergise and go for it.
I sincerely wish you well and my thoughts will be with you. Good luck
PS. As far as your friends are concerned, they do come and go. Peoples lives go in different directions, converge with yours for a while and move on, thats life. Treasure them for the time that they are with you.
Source(s):
Hey. Your situation is not unique, not matter where you live. Intelligent, thoughtful, talented people get crapped on every day, to make room for jerkoffs like the guy that first answered your question. Stupid, soul-less people are jealous of your intellect and ability, and make themselves feel better by putting you down. There are two clear choices for you: 1. Keep being a good person, working hard, and living right; 2. If you can't beat em, join em. Just become a selfish, mindless prick like everyone else. I would recommend choice one, but it's a tough road to follow. I'm 35 years old. I was once a promising scholar, athlete, and musician, but let all the naysayers get to me. Don't let it happen to you. Good luck.
Interesting Story. It is as if you were narrating my young life. Don't give up. If I can do it anybody can. Follow the source, if you are interested.
